Sometimes, at night, when my husband and son are fast asleep, I lay wide awake thinking of everything and anything.
The matriarch of the family, my mind is constantly moving a mile a minute. Everything is stored in my brain.
What time is Elijah’s dentist appointment? Oh wait, the day changed from Friday to Tuesday. When is my doctor’s appointment? That’s right, I moved it to my day off next week. We have a birthday party this weekend to go to? No, that was last week. No, we had one last week, but we also have on THIS week. Plus, another family event at night. That’s all on Saturday. What do we have to do on Sunday? Did I register him for pee-wee soccer? Yes. Did I turn in his pre-school photos that we did not want to keep? Yes. Oh shit, did I register him for pre-school for the upcoming fall year!?!?!? Yes.
Sigh. Relax Naz… you’re on top of it. You’re always on top of it.
A mile a minute. My brain moves a mile a minute.
I am the keeper of all. That’s my job. I am the matriarch in the family. It goes with the territory. Especially since no one else (hubby) can do it as well as I can, so I have to do it. It’s my perfectionist nature. I don’t want anyone else to do it because I do it so well.
And deep down I know… I enjoy it.
This is what I have always dreamed of. My cookie cutter, Leave-It-To-Beaver, soon-to-be soccer mom life.
We live in a family friendly neighborhood with a park around the corner that we are often at with our young son. We specifically bought a house in a court so we could put our cheesy orange cones and “slow down, children at play” signs up and watch our son ride his tricycle up and down, back and forth in safe space free from on-coming traffic. We live near a bike trail so we can go on family bike rides and walk our doggies through a pretty scenic area. We live near our immediate families because culturally, our families play a huge role in our lives. Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins – as Fijians/Indians, we were brought up very close to our immediate families, so it’s important for our son to spend a lot of time with his immediate family also. This makes it easy for impromptu family dinners, backyard bbqs, etc.
Unfortunately, our lifestyle leaves little room for much else. Nights out with girlfriends are very limited, by choice. As a working-mom, I enjoy spending most of my time with my son and husband. Because I know I will never get these years back. And while I love my girlfriends so very much, I know that the ones dearest to me, understand what I’m feeling and where I am in my life right now. Many of them are mothers themselves, busy in their lives with their partners and children. Those who are not mothers still understand. And I feel very blessed to be supported by those friends I hardly even get to see.
We are living our American dream. This is what our immigrant parents sacrificed their lives for. So that we can come to the U.S., get our college degrees, get married, purchase a home and start our families. And that’s what we are doing.
It’s very cookie cutter. I know that. And I also know our life isn’t what everyone chooses for themselves. But for me, I pinch myself and ask “how did I get here?” My relationship with my husband is the best it has ever been. Side note: We are both down 30 lbs in 7 weeks because we have started to work out together and really change our lifestyle. I have the most amazing, kind-hearted, sweet-tempered little boy as a son. I have two independent doggies that don’t cause me any trouble. And I have a beautiful home purchased by my husband and I after years of saving money and a lot of blood, sweat and tears. I am so proud. I am so blessed.
And I thank God everyday.
I cannot wait to expand our family. Within the next six months, I foresee us officially “trying”. Elijah will be the best big brother in the world. And I will be so very lucky to have yet another human I created call me “momma.” ❤